Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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