sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize