A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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