How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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