Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
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Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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