just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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