i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Pants are for mortals
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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