woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
