Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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