So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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