We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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