if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
