brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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