I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My ATM looks so different sober.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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