I bet he comes in French.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
