It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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