I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
