some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
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I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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