I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
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There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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