brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
