the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
