Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
