My pussy is not your playground.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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