He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
