Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
