I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
