If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
