you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
