Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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