if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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