Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
