If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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