Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
