i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
