Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
