so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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