3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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