don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
