I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
