He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
