You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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