Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
is wine microwaveable?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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