Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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