So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
