I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
