When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
