we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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