I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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