My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
