so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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