Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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