right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
