I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
