When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
