Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
