I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
