Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
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My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
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Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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