people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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