Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
