i permit you to call me
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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