woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
