laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
