Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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