I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
