also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
