The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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