just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
