i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
