Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
