Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
