so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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