I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
