i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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