Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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