i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
