so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
