Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
